I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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