a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
