You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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