I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
