Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
