I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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