dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
