Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
