I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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