my shit smells like andre
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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