i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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