'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
