How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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