Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
please don't ironically join a cult
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