i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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