Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
