i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
