If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
