he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
