I hate all girls vehemently.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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