I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
