You can't motorboat a personality
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
