Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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