Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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