The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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