Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
