I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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