I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
