I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
