We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
