Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
