I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
