I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
