Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
