tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
