I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
