Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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