so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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