so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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