I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
