And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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