yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
