why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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