My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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