If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
