my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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