my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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