She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
