I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this beer tastes like vomit already
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
