WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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