Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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