There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
