around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
